On Fridays I make bad, choices, teenage choices, obnoxious talks and ticks.
God, how did so many people fit into such a small house, how!?
Today, at the official first party of the school year, I met a guy from Spain who said he needed to see America, who hated it here simultaneously tasting and loving it, and I sober up on iced coffee and there's an unloaded gun in his car that makes me uneasy, it's like Jesus loves him according to his dashboard but all he listens to is rap.
And then he babbles, tugging on the least tolerable parts of me and shifts his interest to another friend, I'm in the clear. okay.
It's that one common goal that kid Ian Stillwell had that makes me pity him so much, like, we're all looking at him with the same perceptive lenses and it's nothing but verbatim/identical criticism after verbatim/identical criticism. He'll realize what he's doing but it'll be too late, we've all jumped onto a new wave length, god I'm sorry for him.
Today I thought I had another kidney stone, corkscrew pushed into my sides (oralright it just felt that way) but the pain dissolved, dissapeared! What in this rotational symmetry little world!?
And I'm the obnoxious 15 year old girl, so obviously, with graduates and seniors and juniors and sophomores alike, just biting my nails, just hugging and hugging and kissing my girlfriends on the cheek so hard we absorb each other but my life is not so cliche I realize, my life is not so cliche in my paper journal, only 32% of the time, for now I'm okay with that. I can shovel out what I need to, get it out of my system, party semisweet hard. fuck you.
Ohhhh look, that was the angst.
On my walk home tonight, at 2 a.m. (bad idea sonuvabitch) there was a guy on top of Zilker elementary and he yelled to me, "What are you doing out so late little bird!"
I didn't say anything too soon, I wanted to spit the plasma on him that was in my broken mouth but I just passed through drunkenly swerving on the road, eventually replying, "I lost my soul, I lost it, the hummingbird took it because it was it's own weight, because everyone knows it can carry a burden it's equaled with."
I'm not lying.
I said this.
But what do I know, I've got a rummy coffeey sushiy belly full of little mementos from my night.
Yeah.
My friends are pretty tight.
I stay in my box.
But I learn.
Forgive it.
Because I don't do permiscuous scary things with strangers, vernerial disease caking them, no I don't, that's just something I've never done.
And I don't ingest chemicals, no X, no meth (scabby faces! clumpy yellow!), no cocaine, no codeine smoking, no pcp, no laced this and thats.
That's just something I've never done.
Also, I don't have emo 7 inches and I don't like those kids who think it's real hip to like blonde redhead and I don't mind that I'm not part of a label because dissassociation is discomfort and I don't care about run on sentences or the fact that I'm in love with people far away who can't hear me when I turn some sort of module around.
That's just something I've never done.
Hello, my name's Mikaylah and I'm a creature that touches and touches but only in shoelace brain style, like, rings and rings and strands and strands of incomplete thought, I never get it down right.
Nevarrr!
How could I do anything but smile?